Late Night Outpouring Thoughts

Lost...
The Secret says not to have any doubt.
But I am doing just that.
Wanting to do this and that, but doubting every single step.

No motivation, no kick, no drive.
New Zealand working holiday?
Moving in another stage of life?
Or just stay in Penang?

Focused in career?
Find my old self?
There is some truth in the old adage...
Things never change, but we look at things differently as we grow.

Wanting to slow things down,
But can I stop my wild thoughts and sudden desire to travel?
To play? To try this and that? To be selfish?
Without worrying too much?

Surrendering to the wandering lust?
Without having to worry what lies ahead?
So many question marks and doubts.
What kind of signal is this?

Am I creating this thought by myself?
By not being positive enough?
By making myself anxious for no particular reason?
Why am I craving for so much attention all of a sudden?

Crapping all the way when all I wanted to do is just to keep quiet.
Feels so wrong all of a sudden... the current situation.
Frown less, smile more.
Think less, do more.

Oh gosh, what do I want?
I can't be more specific, because I don't know what I want.
Can I just stay couped up at home?
Not diligently keeping in touch with the outside world?

Even if I managed to talk myself into doing that,
How long can my feet and heart stay still?

Listening to Lite FM helps.
More like a companion on such a late night.
Nothing more, nothing less.
Such was the comfort of music, jazz specifically.

Family is still the best.
Mom provides the most comfortable feeling in her presence.
To know that she will always be there for me.
But how to pour all these out to her?

When I don't even know what I want?
The old me is so firm and clear of what she wants.
Having set some goals to achieve.
And now? Been wanting to do too much, but without actions.

What you know, believe or learn,
Is of no importance,
If you don't put them into practise.
So true!

Blog is where I can vent vaguely yet allowing me to feel slightly better.
Especially when I don't feel like talking much.
Or when I don't have someone to talk to.
When I don't have that someone whom I feel that I can share my anxiety, uncertainty, insecurity.

28. Many will say I have quite an achievement.
I will attribute that to my mentors and mom.
They made me who I am today.
But I am not really who everyone thinks I am.

Motivation, discipline...
Something I need to work harder on.
Determination, strong will to work hard.
Even more effort needed.

Oh, come on!
Set your direction, whatever it is.
And stay put with it.
Stop doubting it.

PTPTN Loan Cleared!

Previously I have proudly mentioned about my PTPTN loan status HERE, and now I am even prouder to know that I have managed to clear off my PTPTN loan. Now I have one debt lesser from my list. I don't know if this has anything to do with Law of Attraction (click HERE) or not, but I know that ever since I was in uni, I'd already told myself that I must clear off my PTPTN loan, though I didn't set a time-frame for that.

 

Thanks to government's initiative to offer 20% discount on the outstanding loan balance before 30 September 2013, I managed to save up RM2k++. I'd never thought that I will use up my savings to clear off the PTPTN loan. In fact when I first heard of it, it never even crossed my mind to do that. Because I still haven't manage to build my own emergency fund of 6 months pay, which was always being recommended by financial planners.

 

So did I even manage to do that? Well, I just had this sudden thought in one single morning when I woke up and then I tried to check out the procedures required. Happened that it is quite simple. And happened that JY and GT was contemplating the same too. I just had to call up PTPTN office to email me the Surat Pengesahan Baki to confirm how much loan balance I need to clear after the given 20% discount. Lesser waiting time because I have a friend who waited quite long at the PTPTN office just to get the letter.

 

Next, just need to go to the PTPTN office to make the full lump sum payment. You need to pay full sum in order to qualify for the 20% discount. Even if you pay several times within a week and managed to clear the loan, you won't get the 20% discount because admin charges might be incurred if the payment was received beyond statement date. You can pay via cash, or bank draft or cheque. You can even make online payment.

 

But since GT is paying it in the PTPTN office and he was kind enough to help me pay, I just passed him the cash in envelope. And I was thinking that I can immediately get the Surat Pelepasan Hutang to indicate that I no longer owe PTPTN. But in the end we still need to wait for at least a month for the Surat Pelepasan Hutang due to the overwhelming response from public to clear off the debt in order to take advantage of the 20% discount offered.

 

Well, I need to build back my savings but it is such a big relief and satisfaction to know that I can strike a debt off my list.

Law of Attraction

I am trying to resume my reading routine though it was a bit messy currently. But at least I started somewhere. I would like to share an interesting part from The Secret. Have you heard about Law of Attraction? When I first heard about it, I couldn't agree more. It may talk about a lot more but I would like to sum it up in one word, FAITH. 3 steps is all you need:

 

1. ASK

Ask yourself what you want. Set a clear goal. Better if it can be measurable and quantified.

 

2. BELIEVE

Believe that it is going to happen. Believe that it is already happening.

 

3. RECEIVE

Feel good when you receive it. You might need some action to manifest it but it should be an action to receive, not an action to make it happen.

 

You may not really understand what I am writing here, but if this intrigues you, go ahead and read The Secret or search YouTube for the short video to get some idea.

 

So after these 3 steps, how will things happen? Universe will align itself to match your thoughts. So remember, thoughts become things and you are the master of your own thoughts. Affirmative thoughts are always much stronger than negations. So you will attract things to happen the positive way if you practice the 3 steps above. And it is none of your business to know how will the Universe align itself to your wish. I like this short excerpt below:

 

Think of a car driving through the night. The headlights only go a hundred to two hundred feet forward, yet you can drive it all the way through a two thousand feet journey through the dark, because all you have to see is the next two hundred feet.

 

That's how life unfolds before us. If you trust that the next two hundred feet will unfold after that, and the next two hundred feet will unfold after that, your life will keep unfolding. And you will reach destination in the end, just because whatever it is you truly want, you get it because you want it.

 

Well written, don't have to think too far but you can visualize the outcome. From there, you just need to take things one at a time with your goal clear in mind. And wahlah.... the Law of Attraction works each time, with unwavering faith.

To Be Eight Again

Another joke about how man and woman interpret thing differently. Can't help it, huh? I don't know if it's due to my current life or if it's really funny, but I really laughed out loud silently in the office when reading this... Hope you find this funny too as I do think that it helps to remind me to take things easy....

A man was sitting on the edge of the bed, watching his wife, who was looking at herself in the mirror. Since her birthday was not far off, he asked what she would like to have for her birthday.

 

"I'd like to be eight again," she replied, still looking in the mirror.

 

On the morning of her birthday, he arose early, made her a nice big bowl of Coco Pops, and then took her to Adventure World theme park. What a day! He put her on every ride in the park; the Death Slide, the Wall of Fear, the Screaming Roller Coaster, everything there was. Five hours later they staggered out of the theme park. Her head was reeling and her stomach felt upside down. He then took her to a McDonald's where he ordered her a Happy Meal with extra fries and a chocolate shake.

 

Then it was off to a movie, popcorn, a soda pop, and her favorite candy, M&M's. What a fabulous adventure!

 

Finally she wobbled home with her husband and collapsed into bed exhausted.

 

He leaned over his wife with a  big smile and lovingly asked, "Well Dear, what was it like being eight again?"

 

Her eyes slowly opened and her expression suddenly changed, "I meant my dress size, you RETARD!"

 

The moral of the story: Even when a man is listening, he is going to get it wrong.

Something to Brighten Up the Day

Tomato Planting

Another email from my friend, a bit dirty though, depends on how wild your imagination go....

 

If we do not plant knowledge when young, it will give us no shade when we are old. - Lord Chesterfield
 
A beautiful woman loved growing tomatoes but couldn't seem to get them to turn red. One day, while taking a stroll, she came upon a gentleman neighbor who had the most beautiful garden full of huge red tomatoes.
 
The woman asked the gentlemen, "What do you do to get your tomatoes so red?"
 
The gentlemen responded, "Well, twice a day I stand in front of my tomato garden naked in my trench coat and flash them. My tomatoes turn red from blushing so much."
 
The woman was so impressed she decided to try doing the same thing to her tomato garden to see if it would work. So twice a day for two weeks she flashed in her garden hoping for the best.
 
One day the gentleman was passing by and asked the woman, "By the way, how did you make out? Did your tomatoes turn red?"
 
"No", she replied, "but my cucumbers are enormous."

Duplicate Key

Another email from my friend....


Boy: What's between mom's legs?
Dad: Paradise, my son.
Boy: What's between your legs?
Dad: The key to the paradise.

Boy: One piece of advice, Dad. Change the lock, the neighbor has a duplicate key!

Funny Signs

7 Principles of Eagles

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

PRINCIPLE 1

Eagles fly alone at high altitude and not with sparrows or other small birds. No other bird can get to the height of the eagle. Stay away from sparrows and ravens.

 

Eagles fly with Eagles.

 

 

PRINCIPLE 2

Eagles have strong vision. They have the ability to focus on something up to five kilometers away. When an eagle sites his prey, he narrows his focus on it and set out to get it. No matter the obstacles, the eagle will not move his focus from the prey until he grabs it.

 

Have a vision and remain focused no matter what the obstacle will be and you will succeed.

 

 

PRINCIPLE 3

Eagles do not eat dead things. They feed only on fresh prey. Vultures eat dead animals, but eagles will not.

 

Be careful with what you feed your eyes and ears with, especially in movies and on TV. Steer clear of outdated and old information. Always do your research well.

 

 

PRINCIPLE 4

Eagles love the storm. When clouds gather, the eagles get excited. The eagle uses the storm's wind to lift it higher. Once it finds the wind of the storm, the eagle uses the raging storm to lift him above the clouds. This gives the eagle an opportunity to glide and rest its wings. In the meantime, all the other birds hide in the leaves and branches of the trees.

 

We can use the storms of life to rise to greater heights. Achievers relish challenges and use them profitably.

 

 

PRINCIPLE 5

The eagle tests before it trusts. When a female eagle meets a male and they want to mate, she flies down to earth with the male pursuing her and she picks a twig. She flies back into the air with the male pursuing her.

 

Once she has reached a height high enough for her, she lets the twig fall to the ground and watches it as it falls. The male chases after the twig. The faster it falls, the faster he chases it. He has to catch it before it falls to the ground. He then brings it back to the female eagle.

The female eagle grabs the twig and flies to a higher altitude and then drops the twig for the male to chase. This goes on for hours, with the height increasing until the female eagle is assured that the male eagle has mastered the art of catching the twig which shows commitment. Then and only then, will she allow him to mate with her.

 

Whether in private life or in business, one should test commitment of people intended for partnership.

 

 

PRINCIPLE 6

When ready to lay eggs, the female and male eagle identify a place every high on a cliff where no predators can reach. The male flies to earth and picks thorns and lays them on the crevice of the clidd, then flies to earth again to collect twigs which he lays in the intended nest. He flies back to earth and picks thorns laying them on top of the twigs. He flies back to earth and picks soft grass to cover the thorns.

 

When this first layering is complete the male eagle runs back to earth and picks more thorns, lays them on the nest; runs back to get grass on top of the thorns, then plucks his feathers to complete the nest. The thorns on the outside of the nest protect it from possible intruders. Both male and female eagles participate in raising the eagle family. She lays the eggs and protects them; he builds the nest and hunts. During the time of training the young ones to fly, the mother eagle throws the eaglets out of the nest. Because they are scared, they will jump into the nest again.

 

Next, she throws them out and then takes off the soft layers of the nest, leaving the thorns bare. When the scared eaglets again jump into the nest, they are pricked by thorns. Shrieking and bleeding they jump out again, this time wondering why the mother and father who love them so much are torturing them. Next, mother eagle pushes them off the cliff into the air. As they shriek in fear, father eagle flies out and catches them up on his back before they fall and brings them back to the cliff. This goes on for sometime until they start flapping their wings. They get excited at this new found knowledge that they can fly.

 

The preparation of the nest teaches us to prepare for changes. The preparation for the family teaches us that active participation of both partners leads to success. The being pricked by the thorns tells us that sometimes being too comfortable where we are may result into our not experiencing life, not progressing and not learning at all. The thorns of life come to teach us that we need to grow, get out of the nest and live on. We may not know it but the seemingly comfortable and safe haven may have thorns.

 

The people who love us do not let us languish in sloth but push us hard to grow and prosper. Even in their seemingly bad actions they have good intentions for us. 

 

 

PRINCIPLE 7

When an eagle grows old, his feathers become weak and cannot take him as fast as he should. When he feels weak and about to die, he retires to a place far away in the rocks. While there, he plucks out every feather on his body until he is completely bare. He stays in this hiding place until he has grown new feathers, then he can come out.

 

We occasionally need to shed off old habits and items that burden us without adding to our lives.

 

Typical Penangite

This is emailed by a friend. Really typical Penangite spirit, though it was meant as a joke but you can't deny there might be some truth in it...

 

Four retired guys are walking down a street in Yuma, Arizona.  They turn a corner and see a sign that says,
  
"Old Timers Bar - ALL drinks 10 cents." They look at each other and then go in, thinking, This is too good to be true.
  
The old bartender says in a voice that carries across the room,  "Come on in and let me pour one for you! What'll it be, gentlemen?"
  
There's a fully stocked bar, so each of the men orders a Martini.  In no time the bartender serves up four iced Martinis - shaken,  not stirred - and says, "That'll be 10 Cents each, please."
  
The four guys stare at the bartender for a moment, then at each other.   They can't believe their good luck. They pay the 40 cents, finish their martinis,  and order another round. Again, four excellent martinis are produced, with thebartender again saying, "That's 40 cents, please."  They pay the 40 cents, but their curiosity gets the better of them.
  
They've each had two martinis and haven't even spent a Dollar yet.
  
Finally one of them says, "How can you afford to serve Martinis as good as these for a dime a piece?"
  
"I'm a retired tailor from Phoenix ," the bartender says, and I always wanted to own a bar.   Last year I hit the Lottery jackpot for $125 million and decided to open this place.   Every drink costs a dime. Wine, liquor, beer - it's all the same."
  
"Wow! That's some story!" one of the men says.
  
As the four of them sip at their martinis, they can't help noticing seven other people  at the end of the bar who don't have any drinks in front of them and haven't ordered anything the whole time they've been there.
  
Nodding at the seven at the end of the bar, one of the men asks the bartender, "What's with them?"   
  
The bartender says, "They're retired Hokkien from Penang, Malaysia, they're waiting for Happy Hour  when drinks are half-price."