#53 - Troubled mind and restless

29.06.2010

Already 12.45am and I have just signed in to purposely put my thoughts here. Seldom sleep late nowadays but I just had to blog today. It had been quite awhile I hadn’t felt this way. I don’t like it at all. June 2010 is not a very good month for me, so many things happening and I am afraid I might be getting nervous breakdown anytime soon (just an exaggeration).

Last week was terrible for me as I had bouts of fever which came on and off and had my head pounding hard as if it might explode anytime. First doctor said I didn’t have fever. Perhaps it was the onset of fever but I asked for MC and got it. Spent whole day sleeping in the room and yet can’t sweat. The next day went to work but felt very blurry and I associated it with too much of sleep.

Came the subsequent day, I went to work but felt very terrible. Went to a different doctor and while waiting for my turn, I realised there were red dots on my hands. Doctor said I got fever and he also realised the red spots. Took my blood sample and sent for test. Suspected dengue.

I was shocked and had to cancel my hiking trip to Monkey Beach (in which I am the organiser, and I had been waiting for it like so long, esp since my knee recovered from the accident jz recently) as I had to go to clinic on the hiking day to get report. Went back home to sleep again. Slept and slept and slept till I got bored with it. But the medication given was better. I managed to sweat better.

Late afternoon doctor called to inform my platelet count was on the borderline. If recurrent fever, gotta do blood test once more to reconfirm it’s not dengue. The next day I really got recurrent fever but I didn’t bother to visit the doctor as I felt that the medication can help me to sweat and I would like to wait for awhile. Indeed I took the right decision.

I recovered thereafter but I still don’t have much appetite yet, which was torturing as I love to eat. But I realised that I was actually being reminded of how important health is…

Then I realised that the 2nd hand car I bought wasn’t Saga M-line. It was actually B-line. I realised after I suspected why there didn’t seem to be any airbag for driver and there wasn’t any features like reverse sensor etc (I hate reverse sensor btw). When asked, owner simply said he ordered M-line (full spec) but dealer told him if he wanted to get car quicker, then can change to B-line (basic).

I didn’t query further though I remembered he told us it was M-line and his original HP loan agreement also stated it was M-line. Now with RM30k price for B-line, it was so-so price only, what’s more with the mileage already covering 45k and the tyres basically near-botak.

That certainly didn’t ring well with me. But what to do, I have only myself to blame for not checking everything out. Nevertheless I have to calm myself down by saying ‘开心不是因为烦恼少而是因为计较少’. At least I got a car which can move. But then, I felt that something was not right with my tyres as my left tyres, both front and rear ones seemed to be slightly deflated.

My brother helped me to send to shop to check and mentioned there were 1 and 4 nails on the tyre each and it was due to tyres being botak. Gotta change all 4 together. Now is the worrisome part. I am practically broke after forking out the money to cover the downpayment and insurance. I just gotta squeeze my wallet further it seems.

And at work, my tense is building up as audit is coming nearer and I saw some of them still being so relaxed despite claiming to be busy. I gotta handle the staff which are getting slacking. My fault, didn’t monitor them strictly but I thought I wanted to give them more freedom as long as they are initiative enough. Or is it I have too high expectation? With the preparation work for the audit and missing out the chance to hike, I am certain the stress was not being dealt with too healthily at this time around, but I will jz hv to make do with whatever I can currently. 天无绝人之路…..

There, I felt much better. It might seem silly to worry about this but it did affect me and I didn’t elaborate further on other incidents. I just wish Dec comes faster, then I can have my bonus and gauge whether my increment is worth my decision to stay or not. If not, then it’s time to venture into some possibilities lying around somewhere….