23 August 2011

Exasperation

Sometimes it's so tiring thinking that you are the only one playing the bad guy role in the meeting each time. It's actually quite exasperating when almost each time there was a meeting, most of the time I will be doing the talking, playing the opposition party against my boss. What the heck?

Why am I so pissed off anyway? It's not like this is the first time isn't it? Perhaps it's because I care? Why would I even bother to bring matters up the table when others don't bother a dime? Sometimes it's true that it's wiser to remain silent but I can't. I am always a straight-forward person and don't know how to twist my words or find the right time to voice things out.

The moment I thought of something, I will blurt it out. Of course it's not wise at all to do that but that's me. So what if people think I am troublesome. So demotivating at times to face these bunch of people. In my meeting there are several type of persons in it:

  • Silent players - Seldom say a word, even when being asked. Don't know what for are they being included in the meeting.
  • Talk behind back players - Same opinion but never voice it in front of others, always come and tell me at the back.
  • Don't care much players - Being there for the sake of being there.
Just an example over here...

A: We must put rat cage if there is sign of rat infestation, especially if rat droppings are sighted.
B: Ok, we shall place a rat cage without a bait.
A: (WTH) Might as well don't put since it defeat the purpose. Rat won't enter without bait!
B: You see, u want them to put the cage, so they put already what, to satisfy the system.
A: I still don't agree with that. But if you guys want to do that, fine la. Can't say anything. (At the same time I was thinking to show the auditor our weak points in the coming audit, without bait lah konon!

I don't know la, since we haven't had meeting for quite some time, things seemed to be lagging behind with some slacking also. Sigh! I shouldn't be frustrated really since I was already being made known of this culture since a long time ago. Perhaps I was just hoping for a miracle which will never materialize... Dream on lah!

p/s: I purposely change my blog's layout, just for the sake of doing things on impulse.... Cos my mind is telling me to change it, out of no reason. Perhaps there is a reason behind it! Maybe this exasperation thingy is taking things a little bit too serious to my liking?

18 August 2011

Trying Time To My Inner Self

I haven't blog for quite some time now. I haven't even blog on Bangkok yet, something which I planned before I came back to Malaysia but it was a bit hard to do since I have limited Internet access on weekdays. In fact I was actually drafting this during my lunchtime. Jz miss talking to my blog somehow. And now that I am writing, one short post two posts, how about that huh? So crazy!

Actually I wanted to talk to someone about this, as in verbally, but I couldn't find the correct timing and the correct person. 'Correct' being talking to my close confidante at just a nice timing. Thought of WY but nah, better don't. Finally chatted with SH ytdy nite and I think I will try it out.

It was related to a decision I sort of made last time but now I am doubting myself. Nevertheless, I made a choice and will stick to it. I asked SH am I making too much excuses? SH said yes. I am afraid to try. I should go for it. Well, enough being said, I think the next round it is being hinted again, I will no longer brush it off, rather I will try to lead the conversation to see what it will end up with.

To be frank, I was rather afraid as I didn't know how to respond if it really happens, so no use thinking too much on how to respond anyway, just see how I react on the spot la, better! SH told me ideal and real life is two different thing. True true, I guess I was taking things for granted as there are choices to be made. If there is no choice, then decision is pretty easy.

I believe that life will take a turn of its own. As long I know what am I doing and I can answer to myself, I will be OK. Speaking of which, I didn't really do much praying recently. And in fact, I wasn't on a vegetarian diet when I am supposed to, somehow I feel like I am cheating. Hmm, cannot be, must find a way.... (and oh, this is totally unrelated to the above paragraphs, jz wanting to crap slightly over here).

Always Give 100% At Work

I was browsing through my Bangkok photos in FB and came across a picture of a T-shirt I had taken back when Group 2 members and Koo were scouting for T-shirts at MBK Plaza. It's a very interesting way to put things into perspective, which reminds me that sometimes we do need to take some break off once in a while...

ALWAYS GIVE 100% AT WORK

Monday 12%
Tuesday 25%
Wednesday 32%
Thursday 23%
Friday 8%

I can't help smiling when I saw it. Human minds... We will always try to find some loop holes to make our life easier. I like this feel, being able to carve a smile on the face with such a simplicity in life :)

4 August 2011

Bad Mood

I am not feeling good currently. Bad mood. Small matter but I don't like the way he talked to me. Why blame me? I didn't ask u to change how u issue ur stuff. I was only CC-ing my suggestion to him to ensure that he was in the loop only. I didn't instruct him to change. Bloody hell! Now spoil my mood for the whole day.

What kind of example is that to show to ur colleagues huh? Always play blame game? Fine, I take it la, not the first time anyway. That's the bad thing about me. I am quite emotional and my mood can swing from sunny to rainy to storm in a split second, like it's nobody's business, according to SY.

Come on, it's only a small matter, why let it influence me this much huh? Cos I care about what I do perhaps? Cos I should really learn not to bother about things too much? Sigh! I am loading myself up with lots of activities after work, up to the point where ytdy I actually dozed off with lights on and didn't even take a bath.

I want a time for my own but already my 2 weekends are already occupied with activities. This weekend joining 30 Hour Famine Camp as committee while another weekend, will be going over to KL to meet up Turtle Gang, with the exception of Susan. She couldn't make it.

Never thought I will join the famine camp again this year since I jz returned from Bangkok. But as life has it, my group leader from the famine camp I joined last year asked if I am interested to chip in. Since my planner is empty for that particular week, why not?

So now I am stuck with 8 tickets waiting to be sold for the mini concert under the famine camp. Sold 4, 4 left. Don't know how else to sell. Argh!

I hate life currently. So many things I want to do but I don't know which one to start first. I feel like retreating into my own shell and don't bother about anything anymore! So much so for not feeling good!

1 August 2011

Tropfest Short Film Festival in Esplanade

It's the first day of the month-long fasting for Muslims and I definitely noticed it since my nasi lemak stall didn't open today and there was no more vehicles parking there to buy breakfast. Clearer traffic. Ytdy was vegetarian day for me and thank God I managed to adhere to my obligation without much trouble ytdy. (Previously, I kept on missing my obligation)

Went for Tropfest Short Film Festival in Esplanade ytdy. That's the last event marking the month-long Georgetown Heritage Festival of July. I am glad I went there. There was a total of 10 short films being screened with titles such as Marry Me, Carmichael and Shane, The Unspoken Words, Beyond Words, Flight, Fences, Animal, Focus, etc.

Some are thought-provoking, some are funny, some are inspiring. There were short films which prompt you to marvel at the creativity of the creator. Awesome.

7 min duration for each short film. My favorite is Marry Me and Animal. Fun elements in there. I went with Alen and Sean. Glad both of them can mix well. Later on we were joined by Anne, Jonathan and Anthony. Just a hi to the 3 of them since we were in the middle of the films by the time they joined us.

A pleasant surprise ensued, with fireworks display closing the event. Nice one, neck a bit sore though. Overall, kudos to the organising team, bravo to them!

p/s: Didn't snap any pictures. And again I reiterate my previous saying that to write a post without posting photo is so so much easier...