27 June 2012

Happiness is doubled when shared

Again, most of us must have read this but when I read this again today, I felt very much touched by this...

Two men, both seriously ill, occupied the same hospital room. One man was allowed to sit up in his bed for an hour each afternoon to help drain the fluid from his lungs. His bed was next to the room's only window. The other man had to spend all his time flat on his back.

The men talked for hours on end. They spoke of their wives and families, their homes, their jobs, their involvement in the military service, where they had been on vacation...

Every afternoon, when the man in the bed by the window could sit up, he would pass the time by describing to his room mate all the things he could see outside the window.

The man in the other bed began to live for those one hour periods where his world would be broadened and enlivened by all the activity and color of the world outside. The window overlooked a park with a lovely lake.

Ducks and swans played on the water while children sailed their model boats. Young lovers walked arm in arm amidst flowers of every color and a find view of the city skyline could be seen in the distance.

As the man by the window described all this in exquisite details, the man on the other side of the room would close his eyes and imagine this picturesque scene.

One warm afternoon, the man by the window described a parade passing by. Although the other man could not hear the band - he could see it in his mind's eye as the gentleman by the window protrayed it with descriptive words.

Days, weeks and months passed.

One morning, the day nurse arrived to bring water for their baths only to find the lifeless body of the man by the window, who had died peacefully in his sleep. She was saddened and called the hospital attendants to take the body away.

As soon as it seemed appropriate, the other man asked if he could be moved next to the window. The nurse was happy to make the switch, and after making sure he wass comfortable, she left him alone.

Slowly, painfully, he propped himself up on one elbow to take his first look at the real world outside. He strained to slowly turn to look out the window beside the bed. It faced a blank wall...

The man asked the nurse what could have compelled his deceased room mate who had described such wonderful things outside this window. The nurse responded that the man was blind and could not even see the wall. She said, 'Perhaps he just wanted to encourage you.'

Epilogue:
There is tremendous happiness in making others happy, despite our own situations.

Shared grief is half the sorrow, but happiness when shared, is doubled.

21 June 2012

Resignation from Colleague

Today I learnt that I am very unprofessional. I am clearly unhappy that my staff is leaving us so soon without even considering to finish off the jobs on hand. But she has done what is necessary and required, that is 1 month termination notice. And she is so lucky to have so many days of annual leaves left. So many days that she tendered the letter today and her last day is next Tuesday. What is wrong with me?

Now I learnt one more thing about myself. I am not professional and is too emotional to be a HOD. I showed my dissatisfaction clearly without considering her feeling. I can't stand the notion that she had already decided when I had given her option but didn't inform me on the spot. I will rate her as a simple and pleasant lady but sometimes I still don't know how to read into her. But from the conversation during lunch, I was clearly upset with her and she knew that.

I should have known that I shouldn't put my own standard when letting her decide. Everyone has their own way to deal with things. And I clearly felt bad for putting her in a difficult position. In the end I discussed with boss to let her off one day earlier. No point putting her in a difficult position. After all, she had served us well within this period. I apologized to her and explained my frustration with her. But I was clearly disappointed with the way things had turned out.

I am glad that I clarified myself but now I really know I am too lousy as a HOD. At least I am not a professional HOD. I am an emotional HOD. I take things too seriously and is not flexible enough.

19 June 2012

From Colleague to Ex-Colleague

Today I am feeling slightly down. My colleague is leaving us soon, most likely by early July she will go over to the new company. I didn't retain her as I felt that she will have better opportunity there. Time for her to grow as well. For someone like her who needs some pushing, that new company will hopefully manage to find her true potential.

My style is independent working style. I do practise some control, in fact sometimes I think I might micro-manage too much in earlier days, back when I still have some free time. Nowadays, I practically leave it to my subordinates and only sound them when I can't stand their way of working. Because I fear that I might be exerting too much pressure on them.

But when I talked to my colleague just now, I realised that I had been letting them loose for too long. It's time for me to use up my time to manage them again. Otherwise I will be the one having headache later. Better spend some time now to put things straight rather than later scrambling to put things in one piece. Once my colleague tendered her resignation officially, I will need to restructure my Lab organisation temporarily.

Just this month alone, I will have 3 colleagues leaving our organisation. FL from Production who will jump ship to competitor organisation, SK who will transfer to Marketing and YT who will change totally to new field to new company, M. All of a sudden, I realised that I had been with this organisation for 4 years to be exact. But seeing colleagues going off one by one, I felt a sudden emptiness within me.

One more is going to retire soon. I will definitely miss all of them a lot. Only those who has known me since day one are close to me. The new staff usually dare not approach me much. My face is too serious and fierce I guess. Perhaps I need to spend more time socialising. Sacrificing a little bit of time to make everyone feel comfortable in my presence.

I came across this quote in FB today and quite like it:
"A good life is when you assume nothing, do more, need less, smile often, dream big, laugh a lot and realise how blessed you are."

I should complain less and put thoughts into action. But to be fair, come this July I will really be short-handed. With the original 3 executives running the Lab, it will be 2 since my colleague is resigning. After the first week, it will be only me because my other colleague is going off to Bangkok for cookie training. I have 2 practical trainees joining, internal audit, baking troubleshooting and the list goes on...All the best to myself and my colleague for her new venture. I know she can do it!

14 June 2012

Life

It's not a good sign that I am talking to my blog more frequently especially it's all posts about motivations and some negative ramblings. Well, I do manage to fill up the post quota but then I feel it's empty post. Not from myself.

And the only time when I do post out what I feel is when I am feeling negative. Looking at the number of posts, it's definitely not a good sign of my current status. Nothing is happening, that's the problem! How on earth am I having this kind of yo-yo feeling when nothing is happening.

I need to push myself harder. I know complacency is setting in. I don't like this. Not even one bit. But sounding too negative is not good either. What should I do? Having someone by your side is like not having someone by your side at this time. This type of mental state is not what I want.

Well, here is another post I found from FB (I find them quite insightful):

Life is.....

a challenge - meet it
a gift - accept it
an adventure - dare it
a sorrorw - overcome it
a tragedy - face it
a duty - perform it
a game - play it
a mystery - unfold it
a song - sing it
an opportunity - take it
a journey - complete it

Hmm, complete it, that's the part I need to work on. Complete my tasks, complete my goals, complete my sense of belonging, achievement, satisfaction. Come on! Can I do it? I wish to regain my self-determination and self-discipline. Too much distraction for a person with such a weak character. I M.U.S.T. do it!!! It's a promise to myself!

p/s: even when writing this, I am still having doubts. Might have something to do with my absent-mindedness, losing some self-confidence even.

Come Back

Aiyo, the same issue happened again, but why is it happening so frequently nowadays? I think I am being too complacent again.

And again, I am having too much activities. For the month of June, I am having activities every weekend. Talk about not loading myself with anything huh?

I miss exercising, clothes had been smaller and tighter, a subtle sign that I am gaining weight, haven't stepped on a weighing scale just yet. Can't imagine what will the figure be.

I want my old self back. I want the passion back. I want the self-motivated Pheo back. Come on! Turn up and stay longer will ya?

Perhaps I want to do too many things. Too greedy wanting to do this and that, in the end, all hanging halfway. All this while I have been doing things halfway anyway. Gosh, I M.U.S.T. complete my tasks and close the file. Can't let it open. Sigh!

6 June 2012

'We' vs 'I'

It had been almost 6 months and I did change, in terms of mindset. Not easy but I am working towards it. A dear senior shared that I should no longer just think of 'I', rather it should be 'we'. Otherwise, it will not work. She did speak some truth. It's the 'we' part which made me realise what's wrong with me. And hence, I start to involve more 'we' though it's still on superficial basis.

To tell the truth, I find it pretty tough because all this while I am used to 'I', even when it comes to my family. It's indeed a learning process for me who is trying to make it work, despite having some doubts. Perhaps reality deviates significantly from the ideal, which doesn't make it easy to swallow.

Despite that, I can feel the commitment from the other party. Which makes it easier for me to embrace. However, to me it's the small gestures which touched my heart rather than any materials in view. I wish I can have more of those. The thing is, I couldn't make myself to open up. Something which everyone is telling me that is the problem. I myself realised it but the moment I wanted to, I chickened out.

Nevertheless, I am preparing myself to be more open than before. Some changes need time to materialise, so just give me some more time. Don't push me too hard or else I will think of it as a burden rather than a commitment, something which I won't enjoy being in.

Come on, dear! You can do it. Put your mind and heart into it and nothing can get past you any longer!

5 June 2012

5 Simple Rules For A Happy Life

Again, it's from FB :)
Define happiness and everyone will give you different answers
Well, here are 5 more ways to add up to it...

Don't be overly emotional
Have faith
(Yup, faith keeps you going in times of adversity)

Don't ever give up
Keep trying
(Nothing beats persistence)

Don't make things complicated
Keep it simple
(Must start with simple mindset first)

Don't take things too seriously
Laugh at problems
(King Kong used to tell me this)

Don't be a grown up
Stay as youthful as a kid
(I wish I have the energy to stay that youthful)

4 June 2012

Disturbing Thoughts

Am I starting to feel bored with current life? Do I need to change my environment? Like what? Change job? Change lifestyle? Change mindset? Does this has something to do with me not exercising for so long? I don't know! So many questions and yet no answers.

I got this sudden urge to do something, something different, just for the sake of doing it. Something different from what the normal rational me would do. Something like resigning and not doing anything, living a care-free life, forgetting the commitments. Something like going to NZ for working holiday or asking JS to apply for relocation and follow him to US.

Anything done on impulse. But this is just the inner me talking. The rational me will never allow this. I would know better that if I really do that, I might be regretting though no one knows for sure. Some friends asked if it's related to work. I can't answer for sure. I do hope it's only hormonal imbalance or things like that, something which will recover soon.

Hate feeling this way. Perhaps resigning and helping mom at shop or staying at home to help babysit my three nephew and nieces can be interesting, who knows? Overseeing the kids and tracking their day-to-day progress can be very interesting and satisfying. Though I might get tensed up and might even feel like pulling my hair, it should be worth the satisfaction you get when they learnt something new or when I am their favourite aunt.

See? I am crapping like it's no body's business over here. Talked to several friends, to JS etc. Felt much better but I know what will make me feel better. Finding back my aim in life. I am just too rigid in a way that without a goal or plan, I don't feel comfortable. Perhaps the strings of blurriness buried my confidence, perhaps this, perhaps that...

Don't know lah, lazy to think also. Just fast fast recover lah, no need to say or think much on anything else.

Blur to the Max!

I am feeling aimless, helpless, empty, and I don't like this feeling. It had been a while I haven't been feeling like this. Especially since I have done so many stupid stuffs recently. And no, the way I am feeling right now has nothing much to do with the examples I am quoting below. Wondering whether I am starting to feel bored.

First, I gave JS the wrong info for Aus visa application for Melbourne trip. I didn't have my passport with me that time but I remembered it was made in Kulim. 3 days before departure, I checked my passport and it was actually Penang. I was surprised but didn't give much thought to it. Wasted AUD20 to reapply. After I returned back to Malaysia, I realized that I did actually apply for passport in Penang. How blur can I be? Now I remembered that I fetched mom to renew passport in Kulim, not I do passport there. Blur #1.

Second, I left my wallet somewhere in LCCT before our trip to Melbourne. I suspect that I left it in the Asia Cafe but couldn't find it. JS was kind enough to help me find for it in the dustbin and he did comfort me seeing that I was so upset. There goes the frantic calls to cancel off all my credit cards and debit card. Lucky I didn't bring along other membership cards. Otherwise it will be very tedious for me to get replacement cards for each of them. And lucky my passport was still with me. Blur #2.

Third, I applied for a replacement debit card for RM12, remembered changing the pin number and even saved it somewhere. That was early May. End of May, I went to the ATM, happily inserting the card to withdraw money and keyed in the old pin. Of course, it says wrong pin number. Then I remembered I changed my pin and carefully pressed my new pin. Still cannot. Checked the saved number, it was the one! No use, already keyed in 3 times, now I need to apply for another card. Another RM12 wasted. I never even started withdrawing cash using that special edition debit card yet. What's the use of getting a special edition card when you can't recall the new pin? I am pretty sure it was the one though. Blur #3.

Fourth, I joined 30 hours famine camp under World Vision in Aug 2010 and had been joining as committee in 2011. This year I am joining as committee again but have yet to attend any meeting. Was looking forward to the meeting last weekend. I thought it was on Sun when actually it was on Sat 1330. On Sat 1500, I read KF's FB message asking me if I will attend the meeting. Then I checked planner, and saw that it was actually Sat 2/6. Damn, I knew it was on 2/6 but somehow, I equated it to Sun instead of Sat. Blur #4.

Now tell me, what's wrong with me? How on earth can all these happen consecutively? Usually it will stop after a few times but right now I dread thinking what comes next. MUST think positive and push out the negativity, otherwise Law of Attraction will work its way into it. Thank God it only affects me personally and not my work. I had already suffered a huge blow to my self-confidence, I can't even trust myself to do a simple stuff anymore, up to the point where I sometimes doubt myself. Please let me regain my self-confidence and faith, please...

I know I can do it but when? Come Pheo, come back please?