Damn!!I wrote quite long for this post then suddenly I pressed something wrongly and now here I am, rewriting and reposting this blog.Takde mood to write pula.Lost all my ilhams already. But I will try my best to retell what I wanna tell earlier. Here it goes.
No wonder ppl say that studying is much better than working. Not to say that I am grumbling here but….yeah!!!!When u r studying, u r not bound to any obligations except to urself and ur family. But when u r working, u r bound to the company, to ur boss, to ur colleagues, to ur family and to urself. And of course if u r attached to someone, u r bound to that someone special as well.
It has only been a month since my first job or more precisely it shud b called as "training" and already I find that I am not the type of person I thought I will be. Being the naive me, I started this job with enthusiasm, not knowing what to expect and what to be expected from me.Thinking that it is just not much different from the previous life, I find that…. "Hey,gal.U take things too easy.So stupid!" If u think of it in a positive way, it actually help to nurture u to become more responsible, more responsive and to be able to think further further ahead, esp since i m so lurus bendul. That’s good…After all, what do u expect?Ppl don’t pay u for nothing.
But my self-esteem and self-confidence suffered a huge dose of stroke when I realized that I can’t perform up to the par or up to the expected level.So disappointing and disheartening, I shall say.I felt just so helpless when I knew that I am so "not up to the standard". In some sense, I felt ashamed though others give me words of encouragement as time goes by. Though they keep saying that "It’s OK.U r only 1 mth here, what else do u expect?"I would like to think that way too, but….hmmm!!Just not able to do that.
Hence, giving the excessive pressure to myself and in the end, ending up being nothing and doing nothing.There was a time when I felt so stressed and deprived myself of proper sleep to try to read in the reading material that was piled as high as a mountain on my table.But…instead of getting the input, I just purged out evithing that I had read before.Nah…bad impact!!Sacrificing my sleep and not getting the expected result.Bad strategy and tactic.
So what’s the problem here?Again, it goes back to me, myself.Pandai cari punca dan alasan tapi tak reti cari jalan penyelesaian. Why can others manage to work and have fun at the same time while me, right here and right now find it hard to cope?The answer?….Simple.Just like what the title of this post suggest, I am living in the BRAND NEW DAY YET THE BRAND OLD ME.
Pandai complaint of my weakness but not doing anything about it.Can’t help it.Too pathetic huh?Just hope that I can be more disciplined and determined.I know I can do it.Let’s just hope that my willpower can last that long.Yeah!!!POSITIVE THINKING.If I can’t be good now, I will try and try to be better in the future.How long do I need to do that doesn’t matter anymore.Right now I don’t wanna compete with others.Rather, I wanna compete and outdo myself.If I can’t even beat myself, how the heck am I gonna beat the rest?
And u know what?
Instead of the BRAND NEW DAY YET THE BRAND OLD ME, I wanna change it to BRAND NEW DAY AND THE BRAND NEW ME.
That’s my vow.It’s only a matter of whether I can stay put through it or not.I hope I can. There is no reason why others can do it yet I can’t do it.It’s now not a race with time or a race with others. Instead, it’s a race with me, myself.That’s right!!!
Comment:
> 05.07.2008
Hi Tan,
Well, if there’s any consolation, there’s an AIAA career guide for my industry in which it says that for the first two weeks, we’d be expected to play catch up with the rest of the team. It’s difficult but one method they suggested would be to instead of looking at the big pile of reports yourself, try looking at the authors of those reports, and then give them a ring and make an appointment with them to clarify things. Read the report generally before going to the author, and then write down a few questions of your own if you have any (am sure u wud), and then be prepared to take along a pen and a notebook to jot down whatever the author has to say abt the report. Just a thought, that’s all. Not really sure how applicable this is to your industry. Hope it helps.
Well, if there’s any consolation, there’s an AIAA career guide for my industry in which it says that for the first two weeks, we’d be expected to play catch up with the rest of the team. It’s difficult but one method they suggested would be to instead of looking at the big pile of reports yourself, try looking at the authors of those reports, and then give them a ring and make an appointment with them to clarify things. Read the report generally before going to the author, and then write down a few questions of your own if you have any (am sure u wud), and then be prepared to take along a pen and a notebook to jot down whatever the author has to say abt the report. Just a thought, that’s all. Not really sure how applicable this is to your industry. Hope it helps.
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