Break Up

I wrote once about my break up (here), more like a joking post to tone down my frustration after having done something stupid. It made me realized that I used to have so much fun. That I used to be much more positive. Been getting more and more serious lately. Guess people change over time eh?

 

My recent actual break up really brought me to a realization. It lasted 3 days and I had never expect it to be so peaceful. I felt light and relaxed on day 1 because I felt that I had less one commitment. Not a burden but a commitment, where you willingly dedicate your time, effort and attention to.

 

I chose that path because I thought I am not suited to have a corn or paddy. As in I might be better off being single due to my nature. Deep down inside, I had to tell myself to stay firm despite my heart bleeding. I was doing good for Day 1 and thought I will be fine. However the soft-hearted me couldn't bear to see his hurtful expression and the flower he gave me did soften my hardened heart slightly.

 

An irony huh? The first time I received his flower was during a break up. He didn't see that coming. He booked the flower on Thurs night and I broke the news to him on Fri. And since he had already ordered the flower, I got the flower on Sat when we met up. Felt awkward though. Not the kind of situation where you want to present flower to your loved one. We meet up as a sign of respect to mark the end of our relationship. Doing it over Whatsapp message would have felt like a disrespect.

 

Got furious with him for drinking again, having the so called "Russian juice" a.k.a. vodka for lunch, dinner and supper. That's the thing with me. For God's sake, after a break up, the ex-es should not care for each other anymore. But I couldn't bear the thought that I broke his heart. And hence, after another confrontational discussion (more like probing and spilling everything out), we agreed to give it another try and concluded if there ever happened to be another break up, it is best that we don't keep in touch at all.

 

So here I am, feeling very much loved again as both of us had spilled our thoughts out and understand each other more. We are both trying to improve each other. I never thought that I will share this out in my blog, but why not? This is where I share out my feelings. Lesson learnt? Communication. Respect. Consideration. Fingers crossed that it will work.