01.05.2010
Today is dad’s 4th death anniversary… Made me reminisce the time when he was still with us. The way we took him for granted, the way our heated argument always ends, the way he scolded us, the way we retaliate, the way we had great fun laughing at each other etc. In fact, I had to laugh when suddenly I thought of the first time he let me drove his car. He sure got the shock of his life, when I mistakenly stepped on the accelerator instead of the brake while making a right turn into a junction. Luckily, my reaction was fast enough and there wasn’t any car in that junction. Lucky my dad still trusted me enough to allow me to continue driving ever since.
Dad, you sacrificed a lot for us. I knew that deep in my heart but since we are not the “expressive” kind of family, there were things which we didn’t convey to each other. Hence, after each argument I felt like apologizing, but it was suppressed due to ego. I always felt braver when dad was there. I think it’s the sense of security he imposed during his presence. During the first year he left us, I felt the emptiness there. We no longer heard his loud and weird laugh we used to hear. Even the customers in mom’s shop were not used to it since he always greeted them with his signature laugh.
I remembered the time he boasted to the whole village about my results for UPSR. He was extremely proud as I got offer to SM Sains. Come PMR and SPM, he even bought few newspapers to cut out the photos with me in it. Enough is said to indicate how proud he was of my achievements. Nevertheless, things started to change when obstacles by obstacles came in our way. Not very big obstacles but to me, it was. It was the one of the turning points where I learnt some dear lessons in life, of which I keep on reminding myself of…
The only thing dad missed out was to see me graduating during convocation. I had even imagined how should we arrange dad to enter the hall since his right leg was amputated. Up to that extent! But we as human can only plan whereas God will decide. He left us during my final exam in 2nd semester. It came as a shock but I was grateful that he didn’t have to suffer for long. It was only a brief moment and he left us forever… Up till now, I think I had dreamt of him for once or twice only. Either I am a total dead log when sleeping or I rarely dream. Hmm, recently, not having quality sleep, perhaps can see Dad in dream… (think too much again).
Dad, I didn’t think of you everyday but once in a while, you will always come into my mind. There is always a place for you in my heart, worth remembering and worth a piece of my life. Now that you are gone, mom is the closest person to me… Life is too short to dwell in the past, so life still has to move one. Hope you are doing good in wherever you are now…
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