Another Learning Stage For Me

Something happened, not sure for good or bad but usually people will say it's good. I had never experienced it before, hence it's normal that I don't really feel comfortable especially when it's not totally within my control. I had been too used to taking control of my own life all this while. But now it's no longer a matter of me alone. I hope I can learn more about myself through this new experience. Another self-discovery.

Friends gave some advices and felt weird with my reaction. Let's just say that perhaps this is beginner's nervous mind playing the trick. I know my post is sounding ambiguous again but I can't risk making this too clear yet, because I am just not very sure of the outcome just yet. Even at this point of writing, there were already a few suspicious minds making a wild guess.

Those with whom I have consulted before should know what I am writing here. Let's just wish for the best for me. People say if you have good karma, you don't have to worry much. I think I have good karma, so not to worry? I think if King Kong is reading this, he would have asked: "What on earth does karma has to do with this?" Can't help thinking that way.

But the feeling of euphoria and floating on cloud nine thingy, I don't really feel it that strongly but sometimes got la. Just felt that we should do what we want to do without thinking too much if it doesn't bring harm to anyone. Perhaps the death of my Sarawak counterpart made me realize that life should not be wasted.

All this while, I had always thought of myself as being very shy, conservative and passive person. But ever since joining community service in USM and started working, I realized that there was a hidden gem within me (pardon the compliments I gave myself) which I didn't even knew I had but others had seen it. Hence, I believe that leadership can be cultivated. Not everyone are born a natural leader but with the right attitude, anyone can learn the magic of leadership.

So go back to the passive part. Once started working I found out that I have my aggressive part and had been trained to be systematic and aggressive. Of course I still forgot this and that at times but at least, I am more organized than before. Some of the habits are cultivated since uni years where I learnt from my beloved room mate, Ms Long, while some of it were picked up during work.

Hence, if it was me 7 years ago, I would never believe that I had actually taken the step to write that letter. But as for now, I think it came as no surprise to my close friends (who knew me real well) that I had actually taken the first step. Hmm... I am changing. Perhaps when it's 2012, it will be a good idea for me to reflect on myself on what kind of changes had taken place in my life.