There are friends whom you will always adore while there are friends with whom you were close to in the beginning but were no longer so as time goes. There are also friends with whom you don't always keep in touch with but will always be as close as ever. I have one word to describe friendship, and that is "marvellous". It takes two hands to clap and hence I always believe that it takes both sides to maintain a friendship. And this is where "socializing" comes in.
MY and my other friends commented that I like to socialize a lot but I don't think it as socializing because I don't simply mix with everyone. Rather I will call it bonding with each other. To me, though it's tiring at times but it's satisfying at the end of the day because I get to know that my friends are in good condition and still alive. It is fun teasing each other as well, provided that you don't go over the board. Not everyone can take it too lightly. I can take some teasing but I don't like it when it's overdone.
Which brings me to this topic. There is always this friend whom I adore during my first year in Uni. Let's call her RR. But as time goes, I realize that she changed a lot and was no longer the RR I used to know. Can it be that I am changing too? I believe I do but not too drastic. Physically yes, but mentally....still like last time. Still naive and childish at times but most of the time, I know I gave the impression that I am matured thinking.
I loved to share things with her, previously. But now, no more. Friends sure have different opinions but to listen and accept other's opinion is different from listening and brushing off other's opinions. Just because you think this way, doesn't mean that I can't think that way. Which is why I no longer shared things with her. Especially knowing that she tends to share her friends' stuff with other friends. She was always among the last to know about my developments unless if she asks first.
How will you feel if RR always says: "Come Penang also doesn't come to find me." Once or twice or thrice I can still accept, but everytime? Even after you went to find her? Horrible! The only thing which stops me from saying: "Why don't you come over Kulim to find me instead?" was because I wouldn't want things to go from bad to worse. I always keep mummed when being teased by this group because to me, no harm if it doesn't hurt while at the same time, they enjoyed themselves.
But sometimes it really hurts. It was tiring to fend off some baseless allegations. If I chose not to share it out, there must be a reason. You should know from day one that I meant what I say. If I want to share it out, you don't have to persuade me to share it out. I will if I want to. And it is also tiring to always hear: "Your salary so high, what do you worry about? Just go la, think so much for what? Like me, I don't bother about discounts or offers or cheap flights."
Walaoeh, just because you are used to spending that way, doesn't mean everyone must be like you right? Just because salary high, doesn't mean no commitment right? Just because you are self-employed and we are working with organizations, doesn't mean that we are so much better off than you right? Everyone has their own planning and own set of problems to deal with. Is it even fair to compare apple with orange in the first place?
I have decided to try to keep as little contact as possible with her so as to save up my self-esteem and confidence. To me, friends matter a lot to me, but if I find that a friend is no longer worth to befriend, I won't hesitate to reduce contact. I have done that once because I felt betrayed and annoyed, being pushed into a situation I am not even aware of and I am not even the guilty ones but was treated as if I was. Until now, I only maintain as a hi-and-bye friend with this friend.
It's true when people said that it takes years to build trust but only seconds to destroy it. I believe that friendship also has its own twists and turns of fate. Perhaps I am not good enough a friend for RR because I stand true to my own stand. I admit that sometimes I pour cold water over hot iron when I insisted on not doing something I hate. But partly also because I know that the company doesn't make me feel like doing something which I hate or never done before. If with my very good friends, I am pretty sure I would go for it.
So this alone is evident enough that I no longer adore this friend the way I used to. Birds of the same feathers flock together. But with some tolerance, understanding and respect, I believe that even birds of different feathers can flock together as well. It is these 3 aspects which I can't find in our friendship anymore. Not to be dramatic as in to end this friendship once and for all, but if given a choice, I won't purposely go and find her anymore....
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