Recently, I encountered something which caught me off guard at work. Needless to say, it's unpleasant enough to throw me into a shocking state, so much so that I got very emotional and felt like blasting M16 into those involved. Now that several days had passed, I felt much better that it's actually a blessing in disguise. I finally got to know the truth behind those masked faces.
To be fair, I didn't hear it from the person himself, so some words or meanings might get twisted along the way. But I will do my own judgment from here onwards. My conclusion was that there can't be merely pure innocent working relationship in any company. Politics exist, especially when seniors are still around. Most of the time, you don't even realize you are in the middle of it, being puppeted against your awareness.
You bet the emotional me felt a rush of emotional outburst. The feeling of having to coup up your outburst because you wouldn't want your colleagues to see it.... omg, it's so unbearable. It is always good to have someone to talk to about it. I just need a listener. Just listen to me babbling unreasonably, shooting out ideas which seemed too impractical to sane people. That's why it's called outburst, you see? After venting out, may all hell break loose, as long as my heart was empty of grudge and hatred.
It got onto my nerve so much that I had the actual gut to post my inner outburst on FB 15 minutes before off-work hours. And I did add my seniors in FB. Imagine that! When I checked my page few days later, I was stunned seeing the supports my friends gave me. It's true when people say true friendship persists; you don't have to meet all the time, but there will always be a space in our mind to think of them. Thank God for this.
The words of wisdom and support I got are priceless. And it so happened that those few pages in FB were actually posting posts which were describing what I felt. Some served as a reminder to me as well. I sent out emails to those with whom I always shared my inner thoughts with and I got very encouraging replies. Some shared with me their wisdom, experience and some offered solace.
One of it is definitely my favorite and really spells out the wisdom of how over the years, wisdom were built into you. Chinese has a saying which goes "old ginger is always the spiciest". Respect is earned and she has definitely earned mine. Salute to her. This is what she wrote to me:
"When I was a junior, there is only black and white in my world, later I learn about grey. There are people with high IQ in the company, but then I observe only those with high EQ survive well and have more friends. I was a stone with hard edges but over these years those edges become rounder. I think it will take the whole life to become a round stone. However, never underestimate this small stone, they will get their toes hurt if anybody were to kick it."
So beautifully written. Which reminds me that we don't have to be aggressive all the time to score our points. We can sharpen our knives in preparation for any looming attacks, but only for self-defense, not for attacking purpose. I think my description sounds very extreme but that's how I am going to put it. My own motto, only treat others the way you want others to treat you.
To be misjudged and to be slandered that way when you were actually fighting for someone else; to be left in the middle of nowhere when you know your superior is supposed to look after you... ouch, that hurts! Not that I never knew my superior is hopeless in this case. I had felt the sharp plunge of his knife in my chest during my first year at work. Perhaps I was really shocked because I had lowered down my guard.
This shall serve as a good reminder to me, to maintain constant vigilance even though you might be close to someone. I wouldn't want to end up being a cold stone towards everyone. So I vow to treat everyone warmly, upgrade my EQ and hope to try to make everyone feel comfortable in my presence. I wasn't very good in it, honestly but I know it can be done if I put my heart in it. Where there is a will, there is a way.
Thank you for all the supports and advices given. The world is still full of warmth, so I learnt!
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