I have been experiencing repetitive bouts of 'down' feeling alternating with 'so so' feeling, only the be plagued by the 'down' feeling again. Told Ms Too today that I don't want to lead anymore. I would like to be led instead. I am tired of thinking to improve others while I myself didn't do anything for me. I don't want to exert pressure on others anymore. I am tired of all these.
I am tired of my own realization that I am very fierce and unapproachable at work but still don't do much about it. I am tired of frowning at others. I have tried not to but .... I really tried though. Why try so hard to not be me? Why? I think I am better off not dealing with people.
As much as I like to meet new people, I find that I am not suitable to lead others. I can't really set a good example. I think I gained fear more than respect out of my staff. I don't like it. I mean if my boss is like this, I wouldn't want to approach my boss let alone work with her. Treat others the way you'd like to be treated but.... I really hard you know.
Really frustrated. Sigh! Mood swings like nobody's business nowadays. Motivation comes and goes within a very short time frame. This is not doing good to my reputation or to my mental stability. Sounds serious, using the word 'mental stability' but it is. When you don't feel good about yourself, you lack confidence and doubt yourself.
Time to change environment? Time to do something else? Time to do what? I don't know. Anyone can tell me? I need to excite and motivate myself. I know I have to.
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