Absence and Out of Sight

Out of sight out of mind... Absence makes the heart grows fonder... These two brings totally opposite consequence despite it being derived from separation or lesser contact. These applies to relationship, friendship and kinship.

Relationship...

This clearly suits the 'cooling off period' often heard in relationship. People often associate 'cooling off period' (COP) with breaking up. Actually it need not be that way. It simply means giving each other some space to review their relationship... whether this is what they want, whether they want to continue it because they really want to or because they had to or because they are used to it.

During this COP, usually there shouldn't be any contact at all, but still it depends on the couple itself. Yes, some do take COP as an excuse to gradually break up, for fear of hurting the partner or wouldn't want to appear too cold-blooded in ending a relationship. But please also bear in mind that although COP always follow after a heated argument or disagreement, that is not always the case. It may be used to review the status of a relationship.

If you are missing each other badly throughout the duration, then it might mean that you do want this to work out and hence you will find ways to patch up any serious problems. But if you only miss each other initially and later on think nothing much of it anymore, then it might be spelling something you have been ignoring all this while. And you totally think nothing of it, then break-up is the inevitable solution.

And of course usually if there is no storm looming ahead, the partner will get caught off guard when the other half requests for a COP. Might even be suspecting that something is amiss although nothing much is at fault. The requester might just realised that they don't really belong to the same world or would like the other half to seriously think of the future of them being together, without wasting anyone's time.

Friendship...

Most people like to keep in touch with their close friends. But as time and commitment grows, your circle of friends changes and may be even smaller. Those whom you are diligently in touch with, you will feel closer to them because you get constant updates of each other. Those whom you seldom contact, sometimes you never even bother to keep their contact numbers anymore.

There are some who will crop up in the back of your mind occasionally, making you remembering the sweet or bad moments together and whatnot. Yes, keeping in touch with friends via social media is made easy with the easy access to Internet but it's not the same as face-to-face catch up. Every once in a while, you have a gathering to catch up with each other and feel good knowing that everyone is faring well.

But how long can this continue? Not everyone can do that and the lesser contact you have, the lesser topic you have in common to talk about, especially if you are from totally different fields. It does makes me sad that I seemed to be too eager to keep in touch with everyone as if I am so free. Everyone else has moved on. Why on earth should I bother to ask for everyone's well-being when no one really cares?

Because I care? But do I really need to spread my care and attention everywhere? Feels like no point. I might as well concentrate it on my family members. Nevertheless, no matter what, no one can be a one man's island. We still need friends at different junctures of life, be it for companion, for help or for entertainment. So no matter how busy or how free we are, we should always try to keep in touch occasionally.

Kinship...

I used to be very close with my cousins when we were small because we were about the same age. We used to play and fight together during school holidays because we would be spending times together. But as we grow up, we rarely see each other and only get to know each others updates from our parents. Even that is getting lesser and lesser nowadays.

It feels awkward seeing them after like... 4-5 years during CNY or major festive season. I, for one fall into that category. Don't really know what to speak about and I admit that I am not very sociable. Trying to put up some masks, brave front and thickened face to pretend that you are still close with each other... doesn't fare too well with me. Maybe it's only me because I noticed that the rest still acts normal and chat leisurely.

But if you are still very close despite all those times which you haven't met each other, then it's actually very fun to gather and catch up. It feels as though everyone hasn't really changed much. Those teasing, updates, etc really makes you look forward to the gathering a lot. I wish I fall into this category. Too bad I am not. I am afraid of family gatherings at times because I felt so much like a stranger or don't know how to stir up a comfortable conversation, more like just a superficial talk.

I am quite introvert at times although some friends might think that I am sociable. To be honest, I am not. Well, I am only chatty with people whom I am close and in constant contact with. If I meet new friend, unless he or she is very chatty or look interesting, most likely there will be some uncomfortable silence. Unless I felt obliged to break the ice, which makes people think that I am sociable.

In truth, I am not. I need few more meetings with these new friends before I can get very comfortable with them, unless if I feel that we are of the same type. Which makes me very nervous and scared to attend those meetings, seminars, parties or gatherings. Like I said, just put up a mask and pretend to be friendly. But if I look closer, actually everyone is equally nervous but friendly. We just need someone to break the ice first.

So if we found someone with whom we actually feel comfortable with, be it your partner, friend or family members, do appreciate them because you won't know if they will stay or when the next one will appear. Not easy to find someone with similar pattern as yours. It is just so sad that I am no longer in close contact with several friends because it seems that only I care and stayed stagnant while they had actually moved on. Well, if anything is of comfort, nothing lasts forever...