Office

I always complain that I am not good in inter personnel relationships but didn't do anything about it. I said I must smile more but I also didn't do much about it. I am only good in complaining without any solid action to counter them. I am too cold-blooded when it comes to work. To me, work comes first instead of friendship. I get things done first, that's my goal.

So when I was approached when I was in the middle of something, my reply would be super short. A simple 'Yes' or 'No' without any explanation given on the decision. Unless you dare to ask for an explanation. I have no problem to explain but still it will be short. When you don't understand, you ask. If you don't ask, I assume you understand. Bad habits die hard. And I admit I don't bother to check what was the reason behind the request. Which landed me in a big conflict with one of my staff, T recently.

T is a mom very much devoted to her family and is very particular in spring cleaning the house for CNY. So T will spend much longer time than the rest of us for spring cleaning. On Sunday, T had already asked for an emergency leave (meaning it's less than minimum 3 days required to take leave) on Monday, citing prayers as the reason. I don't really like last minute arrangement like that but I consented to it.

On Thursday of the same week, T requested for a leave the next day because she couldn't finish spring cleaning her house on time. CNY was on Sunday. I was busy that time and I straight away said, 'Har? Again? This time, No!' End of story. I admit that I shouldn't be that harsh and should consider my staff's feeling. If I had replied in a much better way, perhaps thing will be much different.

When I talked to JS the next night, I realised that human management should be done subtly. It is true that how you react to a situation determines whether it's a happy ending or a sad ending. I will stand firm to my decision not to allow it but then if only I cared to explain properly, things would be different. She might still be dissatisfied but at least won't be too upset over it.

I need to answer to my other staffs. Whenever they took emergency leaves without strong reason, I will tell them off so how could I grant this one? This is about time management. You should have known to arrange your time and you have your family members to help out. If you don't want to bother them to help, then it's not really my problem too isn't it? Yes, I am single so I won't know much about family but hey, I also need to help spring cleaning OK?

T was my close friend back when I was alone manning the Lab, with Technicians but no Assistants yet. I would do my work whole day but when I was stressed, I would stop and talked and complained to her, just to vent out my dissatisfaction. I very much appreciated her support but that had also put me into a very hard position. It's hard to tick someone off when you are close with her. Really hard. T is a very good friend, but not a good staff, not to my standard at least. Very experienced but working attitude is only average.

Why would I say that? Immediately when I said No, she turned a sour face (understandable), walked out and started to bang things here and there (unacceptable). I really felt like walking out to her and asked her to leave the Lab if she is so dissatisfied, go and complain to the boss and whatnot. But I know it's better to leave the things as it is since T is not someone who can take reprimand at that point. I was disappointed that she couldn't be more professional about it. Partly I was to be blamed since I didn't explain properly to her. My bad, because I am lazy to explain things to people.

But why on earth would you affect everyone's mood in the Lab? Do you think we can concentrate on our work when you banged things the whole day? Towards the end of the day, I asked my assistant, A to grant her the leave. A tried calling and SMSed her since T was off duty already but there was no reply. A even asked K to contact T. I purposely didn't want to grant T the leave when T was still in the Lab.

I wanted T to consider her own actions. Whether she thinks that she is right is up to her. But I would like her to think, what's the point of affecting everyone's mood when you can make things much better? I doubt she will think so. The next day, she still turned up for work. I guessed K and I were surprised but didn't say much about it. Fine, if you rejected the offer, suit you. I have nothing to lose. The banging continued and T talked loudly, purposely to let me hear: "They are single, so it's different, how on earth would they understand?"

T is lucky that I treat her as a senior and a friend. Otherwise I would really confront her face-to face and thing would turn ugly. To me it's simple. If I still care for you as friend, I can bite my tongue and stay put. If I no longer bother about you, then it's sayonara. You are as good as transparent in my life. That's the case with T now. I don't know if we will still be on talking term anytime soon but what I know is I won't break the ice first. Nor will I intend to get too close with her anymore. Too bad I had to lose this dear friend.

I mean it's not just unprofessional. You are being disrespectful also. If you have lose respect for me, I don't have to show my respect to you as well. Work will be easier. I ask you to do something, you do it. I had even approached my boss to allow A to head T because I totally gave up. End up, I cried in front of boss. Damn embarrassing. Too emotional, couldn't contain my frustration. Usually I won't talk when it's just happened. But since one day had passed, I thought I can do better. Proven that I was wrong.

Boss was shocked I supposed. But hey, I am still a normal human being, a young one too. I still had a lot to learn. First thing, improve how I talk, how I manage people. But... I don't like to talk a lot. I talk short. Explain short. Smile short. Everything requiring verbal or facial communication... short. The only thing long will be in written form, like now. How on earth am I going to improve, is still yet to be seen. Why change myself when I am comfortable in my own world? Yucks, I don't like to manage people at all, honestly.

I have my fair share of weaknesses. Everyone does. To change it to strength or to maintain it as weakness, only we can decide for our own self.