I Need And Must Change

My emotion goes up and down like a roller coaster recently. I couldn't really explain it myself, blaming it on PMS (pre-menstrual symptom) at first. Then only I realise that hey, it's not just happening during those period. Furthermore, my menstruation period was no longer as timely as before. For the past 3 months, it's about 4-5 days later. It had been awhile I haven't experienced such delay.

Which brings me to wonder if all these had anything to do with my emotional health. I am getting more and more negative despite me posting those motivational stuffs on FB. I think I am having too much leisure time now that I didn't get involved in too much of activities anymore, in order to curb unnecessary spending. But then, if I can save up some money but ended up having an emotional storm within, it's not really healthy isn't it? So back to more activities?

It had been awhile I haven't hike and jog. The only physical activity I am maintaining now is badminton due to the monthly court booking. It's high time I resume my sports activity. Hopefully I will get to balance my internal imbalance. Otherwise, JS, my family and those around me are going to suffer really a lot from my emotional ups and downs. And oh, I am resuming yoga next month. I had even bought yoga mat. The only thing left to buy is pants.

I was thinking whether to change from Maxis to Digi or remain the same. In the end, decided to go for Digi, give it a try since there is no contract period. Maxis line wasn't stable back in my Kulim house so hopefully Digi won't disappoint me. The whole family will be officially Digi user since bro, mom and I will take supplementary accounts under my sister. 100 hours free call, 3800 free SMS among the principal and supplementary lines.

Also looking into changing into smart phone. It's really an impulsive decision as I initially decided to buy it only after 2 years, after my intended LASIK eye surgery (I need 2 years to save up for the amount needed). Just out of nowhere, I decided to buy smart phone. Couldn't withstand the temptation that everyone is owning one, I guess. Going for LG Nexus 4, a quad-core smart phone. Not taking data plan yet, will be using house wifi if I want to go online for the moment.

I also had the urge to move back home. Still contemplating on this one. Been moving here and there pretty often nowadays. Well, if I move back home, I will have more time at home but I doubt I will be contributing to much housework. Bad side is that I will be spending more time going online and even lesser time reading. And longer travelling time to work of course. Might get too tiring since I want to resume my yoga and jogging sessions on weekdays. Weekend is reserved for hiking. So KIV for this for the moment.

I get bored very fast, in fact too fast nowadays. Even for work, I don't find much purpose currently. I need a kick, an excitement or a new project to get myself standing back up again. Should I change job? If change, where to? There wasn't many big established food companies in this area. Just an excuse perhaps? The notion of changing to new environment does sound scary to me. Too comfortable to leave? Most likely yes.

But if I can't find my own motivation soon enough, I won't be having enough motivation to lead my staff. Then it won't be good for the whole department. When you don't have the satisfaction, you won't be wanting to stay. At least, that's for my case. My JB superior is sensing this and she is asking me to go down to JB during my staff's training there. Maybe she wants to hear my thoughts or she wants to advise me or something.

I admit that I am not a good leader. I am too emotional and had too many occasional mood swings. But I like to share with my staff. Whatever I know, they should know, provided that it is not confidential of course. Been giving them lesser pressure nowadays because I am still searching for my kick. I always envy them because they have someone above them to constantly push them to do things.

I sometimes wonder whether I should be sitting in this position. I sometimes would rather be guided rather than being the one who guides. The occasional reprimands, the occasional pressures, the piling workloads... I miss those moments. I know that if I were in those situations, I will be complaining like hell. But at least, I get myself occupied, unlike now. I am just creating excuses for myself, I know that.

Well, it is not too late to slowly pick up my steps again. Let's see how long can I remain determined this time. Procrastination has to go for now! Shooh... go away!