Decided. I am glad I talked to WY and WE. They really helped me to analyze the situation a lot. Also special thanks to MY for her encouragement. To LP, KK, WL, I couldn’t say less. Today I felt a sense of relief and calm swept over me around 4pm at work. Ytdy night, already knew roughly what kind of decision I will make, but come to work this morning, I was still seriously contemplating.
Another part of me felt sad as I can’t tell them what’s in my heart since it’s not fully decided. And I think it’s better to break out the news only when some actions had been done. Quite a lot of follow up to be done later on. The sudden wave of relief came just like that, and I didn’t feel like talking much. I felt like doing things on impulse all of a sudden but couldn’t make myself to do it. Damn! But good also lah, I didn’t do it. Just felt a bit wasteful, all the efforts and time taken to build up the strong connection. Intended to be silent but I knew I can’t. This might be our last meet after all.
Told JS before movie with him today. I believed he was taken aback. I had the urge to act on impulse again but refrained myself. I am glad I did. Had usual chat with him but longer than usual. Perhaps due to longer time available. Later WL called and I felt relieved talking to him over the phone. He is always my good listener and advisor. Felt bad can’t do much for him. He is a nice guy, must help to recommend girl friends to him, to repay his genuine and sincere friendship. Didn’t talk too long with JS when he called again later. Shall meet him again next week before he went off to India. Weird, I still haven’t receive my postcard from Melbourne. Please don’t let it go missing.
While driving back home from my rented room, suddenly my tears came streaming down my cheeks. I knew I had this bottled within myself for too long, though it’s only for a day. I am glad and feel blessed for the life I had. Genuine friends, colleagues and family. Images of them came into my mind one by one, and I recounted those sweet moments I had with them. Those cherished moments and those unspoken appreciation about them. I even wondered what will happen during the farewell. Will I cry? Well, if I really cry, I am gonna make sure that it will be on my last day. Leave with style mah….
Looking out into the Lab, I saw my staff working. I felt the sudden affection for them. I know I am gonna miss them so much. Though I tend to be stern, I do treat them as part of my work family. I appreciate them, just that I didn’tmention it only. I used to be harsh on them, pushing them to work harder, without taking care of their feelings. What to do? When I think that someone has the potential, I try to help to develop him or her. I think I am gonna hug them, to show my appreciation.
Aisehman, suddenly so emotional la pulak! Somehow, I felt that a huge rock had been lifted from my shoulder after I made this decision. Thank you God! Whatever happened, I will cover it myself and remind myself to take good chance of it! Thank you again.
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