#26 - Kweng Pheo in person

10.06.2009

What do I have to say in person?How about this?”Whatever u see may not be the truth, but u should know that nth is wrong or guilty until proven so, or the other way round?”. In one word, skeptical..it can be good, it can be bad.Anyway, that’s not the reason I write here. Suddenly ini benda pop up into my mind, out of a sudden. My mind and body had gone slightly haywire. No proper coordination.

Recently, I realised that I complained too much. Perhaps I am being complacent, too comfortable as I started working in a comfortable environment. No boss to ambush me all the time, a bunch of Lab Techs to help out, and even an Assistant to help for the HACCP documentation. To be honest, I am grateful enough. But human in nature is born to be greedy. To never be satisfied with what they have.And I am always that type.Indirectly, I am someone who demands authority and seldom keep quiet when I am not satisfied about sth. I was nv like that before, previously I was as timid as a mouse.

But things change, and it still depends on the condition I am in. In work, I can be very demanding as my surrounding ppl are quite submissive at times and they tolerate me a lot. Guess they understand that new blood in working life is always more enthusiastic and more emotional bah.. So I am always being the bad person by questioning all the steps taken. And I keep on comparing my company with our HQ, which in actual sense, I shouldn’t be doing that.

Each plant has its own unique way of management.But I am doing it anyway, always playing the bad guy role as I view that this can prevent them from being too complacent. As I always check with my HQ on some practises and when I can’t initiate the change, sometimes the HQ helped me to press for the change. That’s why I say that I am lucky and daring, a bit too daring for a newcomer, I shall say.

I lack motivation to work these few weeks. Esp with TV in my rented room, I can’t rmber the last time I had done some reading after work. Terrible, and no quality sleep at all. Never felt afreshed when waking up in the mornings. Mz have sth to do with my lifestyle.No proper arrangement and always inpromptu actions. The other day I chatted with Melvin and he provides me a different insight into my working world as we are from different background, and yes, he is a good listener and advisor I must say. He made me realise that ‘Hey..am I complaining too much?’ Cos when I heard of some other working environments, it is actually much worse than mine.

Here, I have the freedom to do whatever I want and I can see that the career prospect here is quite bright. However, I am no longer sure whether I wanna stay in this company or this industry anymore. Perhaps it has sth to do with my nature, with the colleagues or the working environment?I can’t answer that with confidence.But I am lucky in the sense that i sort of hv two superiors la. A direct superior back here in Prai and another one from HQ (who takes care of me very well).So I am not forced to succumb to the pressure all the time.Got backup la, that means.

So actually it’s not about work at all. I have seen through it already and had been used to it already. I am only dissapointed in myself, how come I can be de-motivated after working for only a year?Then what is my path for next coming years?Hopefully, I can handle this inner conflict..I am jz not determined and disciplined enough..Old issue..

And today I woke up early, disturbed by stomachache. Thought it was diarrhea as I went to toilet for quite a number of times, but upon coming to work, no more diarrhea..It was just a stomach pain, don’t know what’s the reason also. I guess I should be grateful that though I am having stomach ache, at least I don’t have to visit the toilet frequently. So there I am, doing my work and bending myself whenever my stomach signals the pain. Working, stopping and resting and working again. Due to this, I am more graceful today cos no energy to talk loudly as I always do. And I use this approach and manage to convince my HACCP Team to change something that I am strongly against. So not me, but I can’t do anything cos really not energetic.

And to my suprise, it works. Ytdy I was fighting like hell but they wouldn’t agree on it but today it is changed after jz one time persuasion. But like what I said, I prefer to be my usual self, a bit tomboyish and devillish. I jz found another approach to convince ppl after all. Looks like this stomach ache is not a mere pain after all. It’s a blessing in disguise. Got to take care of myself in terms of diet and lifestyle. Recently slept late (and no quality sleep) and ate at inconsistent times. Now my body is sounding the alarm to me and say “Hey, if u don’t take care of me now, I am not gonna take care of u when u are old later. What comes around goes around.” Too imaginative huh?That’s me, sometimes think too much….

There is so many stuffs I wanna do yet I can’t make the arrangements or to be more precise, not disciplined and organized enough. I wanna play badminton, wake up early to help mom with her household chores (she is the best, basically she is the one doing all the household chores, we are being too pampered), go hiking, meet friends, paint the gate, mend the electronic gate..blah blah blah.. the list goes on and on..I really felt that time management is imperative and at times I am jz too rigid and too hooked up with the TV. U switched on the TV and I can be sitting in front of it for the whole day. Even if there is no programme which is exciting enough, I can still lie down on the couch while watching TV. Two words, lazy bum!!

So seriously speaking, TV is the 2nd evil while the 1st evil is money. And that’s jz human’s excuse to push all the responsibility to sth which can’t retaliate on its own. The real culprit is the human itself. Human…nature….blessing…OK, I am crapping and that’s the sign that I should stop. Adios…