Currently I am very very confused. My heart and my mind is working in a very contradictory manner. The whole human system in me had gone haywire. Just ytdy, when using my laptop for presentation during my management review, I had forgotten my password for my laptop. In the end, had to use the CPU from Lab. Haiz… everytime I wanna use my laptop for presentation for work purpose, sure got something unfavorable happened.
This few hours of memory loss really got me thinking…what is happening? Am I too stressed up until I didn’t realise it myself? I mean, I use this laptop nearly everyday and I don’t know how many thousands of times had I been punching the password and yet I still manage to forget the password. Who can defeat me in this huh? So absurd!
I admit I was super stressed at the start of the week, due to some issues at work. I lashed out at everyone’s expense whenever I see something not right. Compared to previously, perhaps I will close one eye. But this time, I couldn’t take it anymore. I made it a point to show that I was frustrated with the way they dealt with the issue as it affected my department directly. They were the ones who weren’t willing to take up the risk and responsibility and yet, I am the one running like mad coordinating this and that. If humans can die from picking up calls, I will be the first one I tell u. Operator also can raise white flag!
But towards the end of the week, I managed to cool down and reminded myself to control my temper and improve my EQ again. What for make myself so stressed over something which the person involved didn’t even bother much? Stupid me… being too dedicated and too responsible for work is not good for me. I tend to stress myself too much. Lucky I had sports for me to channel away these negative ‘chi’s.
Gonna move out into Butterworth area starting April. Definitely gonna be homesick but will see how it goes. March is definitely a challenging month. In fact things are picking up pretty fast. More and more trainings and seminars are coming up and boy oh boy, my planner for July 2011 is already full. Gotta train up my immediate subordinates to handle some of the things I am usually handling. Otherwise, God knows what might happen later when I am not in the office.
Watched Sanctum. I like the movie. The touching part wasn’t really touching. Just that it made me realise that life has to go on no matter what. With perseverance and determination, one can make it to the end. JS asked if I cried, surprisingly I didn’t as I think there wasn’t much of a scene to cry at anyway. Or have I gone cold-hearted? Who cares? But one thing though, watching movie alone and with a company gives u quite a different feel. I wouldn’t mind watching movie alone again though, just need to see what kind of genre does that movie falls into first.
Later on, I realised that I am very very much confused. Perhaps things had been too crazy and hectic recently. My heart and my mind just wouldn’t agree with each other. The whole body doesn’t really belongs to me. Everything felt so wrong in the first place. What my instincts told me doesn’t seem logical after being rationalised out by my mind. Hope it won’t affect my life any further. Yearned to talk to KK about this but then lucky I managed to talk to CMY and Kel for this. Kel is always a good listener and advisor. Though sometimes I don’t agree with him, he did gave me another point of view to look at things.
Now…. I don’t want to think much about it anymore. It’s a mental turmoil but let’s just hope that 2011 doesn’t give me too much troubles. I need to grow up but God doesn’t has to give me so many lessons in life right? Anyway, I am very grateful of the opportunities showered upon me during this period. Who else would have asked for more? Just hope I can continue this journey of life with a blessed life!
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