How is Marriage Life?

Since I am in the mood of posting in blog, let me add one more post here.

6 months into marriage, we are still into long-distance marriage (Penang and KL is not that far, but the physical distance does make some difference). Every time someone asked...

A: So how is married life?

Me: Not much difference since we are not staying together and there is no child in the picture yet.

Actually there is a difference. More and more arguments and bad habits fly out. Differences in opinions and house arrangements etc... There was a time when I was thinking... 'Is this a wrong decision?" I guess this is just another part of me who likes to give up so fast. Sort of running away from predicament rather than bravely facing it. 

Both of us tried to avoid confrontation, is not making things any better. I feel the lack of heart-to-heart talk. I wanted to say something but decided against it so that we don't have ill feeling or argument since our time together is not long each time. Only during the short weekends. Somehow, I reminded myself not to appear too negative and try to be supportive. It takes time to practise, you know.

I am wondering, why do I bother to take so much trouble to accommodate him in my life and yet I took my mom for granted so much. Mom is 60 years old and definitely still going strong but she needs companion also I believe. We are lucky that the kids are at home to keep mom occupied. I just wonder when will I really muster the courage to request mom to retire and live comfortably. 

To retire is to ask someone to accelerate their ageing unless they lead an active life style, of which I believe mom definitely can. Just fiddling with the house alone can definitely keep her very much occupied. It is the allowance part that keeps me worried. It is time that I should bear my responsibility as the eldest to fix the allowance to ensure that she has sufficient to spend comfortably. Currently, I am only footing the utility and assessments bills of the house and shop and mom's EPF fund. 

Now, back to my original intention behind this post. Marriage is between two person and two families. Time is divided into visiting both families but most of the time is between both of us. Time is divided between friends, family and ourselves. Now that we are not living together, he has time to mingle with his friends while I tend to squeeze my time when I am back in Penang, between family and friends and my facial and massage appointments. That's one of his more common complaints. 

 

I am learning to relax from him but I guess maybe I relaxed too much as well. I can't imagine how life will be when I fully move back to Penang. Better don't think and just put in more effort to make things work. I read a quote the other day, it says... "There are thousands of genuine reasons to get divorced, there are also thousands of ways to find the meaning of marriage and stay true to your partner". 

Truly agree with that. I believe that constant communication to align on expectations and constant reminder to each other to not take each other for granted and try something new and put in effort in the marriage is of crucial significant impact. Wish me luck. I know I will complain every now and then but why suppress one self too much right? If I can't be myself in a marriage, then it is not a marriage that I need. Appreciation and encouragement support is what one need. Jonsern is doing pretty well in that occasionally. I will buck up on that, hopefully. 

Friends around me are getting pregnant or had successfully delivered. I had the urge to be pregnant as well but I also realised that I need to be more composed and rational in decision making, no more rash and impulsive decision making. It is now no longer about me alone. Raising a family with new obligations shouldn't be taken lightly. I plan to have children starting next year. Wish my luck in having a pair of twins!

Learning to be a better person, to myself, to my family, and those around me. I don't see my marriage as the type where it will turn out into both of us being best friends where we can spill out everything every time. There are still boundaries where we set in order to avoid frequent arguments. Still in the middle of learning about each other and throw away pre-judgments. Learning is a life-long journey indeed.